


Of closure and softness

by inflowers



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-12 20:05:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18017561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inflowers/pseuds/inflowers
Summary: Nico finds what he no longer needs, and what he definitely does.





	Of closure and softness

“Do you know Dr Kim, Dr Schmitt?”

Levi looks up from the chart he’s studying, and narrows his eyes at his patient in confusion.

“Dr Kim? Uh, yes. But he’s in orthopaedics and you don’t have any broken bones…”

“No,” the patient laughs softly. “I understand that. He’s a friend of mine.”

“Oh?” Levi’s interest is piqued, “I didn’t realise. I can get him for you, he might be around here somewhere.”

“No, that’s okay. I don’t know that he’d want to see me, if I’m honest.”

“Oh,” Levi doesn’t want to pry, except he very much does want to pry and can’t stop himself from doing so. “Are you a friend of his from New York?”

“You know he lived in New York? I’m surprised he talks about it…”

“Uh, yeah – well, we’re – Nico and I are – friends – so I know a bit about him being at medical school there, and then he ended up here and - ”

“Sounds like you and he are quite close.” The patient, Brendan Michaels, cocks his head to the side and studies Levi closely. But Levi doesn’t give anything away. He’s practiced at this. It’s not that he and Nico are a secret – they couldn’t be after the Chief caught them in the ambulance – but he’s learned over the last six months how to be discreet. He’s learned how to keep his poker face when he’s talking about Nico, when he’s thinking about Nico, when he’s near Nico (and all he wants to do is tear those god damn dark blue scrubs off his perfect body). Levi is a professional, and he’s not giving anything away to this patient. Particularly not when he has no idea who he is.  
  
“Listen, I’ll uh – I’m going to get Dr Kim for you.” Levi walks backwards towards the door, still eyeing off the patient. “Your vitals are stable, I’ll check back in on you soon.”

Wandering down the corridor, Levi pulls out his phone and sends a text.

_Where are you?_

The reply comes almost immediately.

_On call room near OR 4_

A few minutes later, Levi slips into the on call room. It’s quiet, Nico has his back to the door and is curled up, but Levi knows by the way that he’s breathing that he isn’t asleep. Close to sleep, which he can tell by the way he doesn’t react when the door opens, but not quite there yet. He slips onto the bed and curls up against Nico, wrapping an arm around his waist, stroking the skin under Nico’s scrub top.  
  
“You better be careful, I think my boyfriend is coming in soon.” His voice is thick with tiredness, but Levi can hear the smirk.

“Very funny,” Levi huffs against Nico’s back, and breathes him in deeply, savouring the smell. It’s a little bit disinfectant, a little bit 18-hour-shift, but all Nico. “Hey, I met someone you know today.”

“This hospital is full of people I know, narrow it down for me.” Nico responds, still drifting off to sleep.

“A guy called Brendan. Says he knows you from New York.”

Levi can feel Nico’s shoulders tense up. His breath hitches, and he shifts uncomfortably. Levi presses on, gently.

“I told him that I’d tell you he’s here.”

“I don’t care that he’s here.” Nico finally says after a few too many seconds of silence. “Just tell him you couldn’t find me.”

Levi doesn’t question him. It’s not the time. Nico is exhausted and Levi knows him well enough to know when he doesn’t want to talk about something. Instead, Levi hangs on a bit tighter and doesn’t let go until he can feel Nico’s breathing deepen and he recognises him as having fallen asleep. Kissing him on the forehead and pulling the blanket up around him, Levi removes himself from Nico and leaves the on call room.

Hours later, Levi is checking on the last of his patients before he finishes up for the evening, when he overhears a familiar voice in a room he knows belongs to Brendan. He knows he shouldn’t listen, but he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t been curious since Nico’s reaction earlier. He stops just short of the door, and leans against the wall where he knows he can’t be seen.

He can hear Brendan speak quietly, almost pleading.

“Nico.”

“It’s Dr Kim.” Nico responds assertively. Levi has never heard him like this, this short and abrupt. Even when they’ve fought in the past, Nico has always had softness to him. It’s a softness Levi thinks maybe he’s the only one that gets to see, but he’s not complaining.

“Nico, don’t be like this. What happened to you?”

“What happened to me? You’ve gotta be kidding me. You happened to me.” Nico tries not to yell. He doesn’t yell. He’s calm and measured and occasionally dangerously quiet when he’s whispering against Levi’s skin, but he does not yell. Except here, right now, he wants to. “I trusted you.”  
  
“I was stupid.”

“Yeah, you were.”

“We have so much history, Nic." 

“Don’t call me that. And stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you still know me.”

“I do. Nico,” Brendan purred, reaching out a hand so it’s almost touching Nico’s fingers dangling by his side. Levi knows this because he can see into the room, and he can’t bring himself to look away. “I do know you. I always have. I know what makes you tick. I know the sounds you make in your sleep. I know your secrets. I know the noises you make when you’re right there, on the edge, and I know how to send you over it. I know you, Nico.”

“You knew who I was ten years ago. I’m not that person anymore. I’m different. Things are different.” Nico stiffens, straightens his back. For a fleeting moment, Levi thinks Nico might leave the room and catch Levi standing there, listening. But it’s only fleeting, because Nico never backs down from a challenge. “I was young. I let you do whatever you wanted to me. I let you treat me badly, because I didn’t know any better. But I know better now, Brendan.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means, I thought I needed you. Ten years ago. Hell, I thought I needed you five years ago. Maybe even more recently than that.”

“And now?" 

“Now? Now, I don’t need you at all.”

Nico does leave the room this time and, as expected, he catches Levi right outside the door. Nico stops abruptly, and Levi is about to make an excuse and try to explain when a hand slips into his, and all of a sudden he’s being lead down the corridor. Willingly following Nico, because he always does.

They reach the internal walkway and Nico stops, leaning his arms over the railing and watching the people walking below. Levi waits. For what, he’s not sure. He’s expecting Nico to be angry, but he can tell by the way he’s carrying himself that he’s not. 

“I didn’t want to see him.” Nico says softly, and Levi stands next to him, adopting the same stance. “But knowing he was here, I just – I needed to tell him.”

“Tell him what?” Levi prods gently, letting his hand find Nico’s as they dangle over the edge of the railing. He curls the fingers on his right hand around Nico’s left, and hooks their pinky fingers together if only for something to do to break the tension.

“I had to tell him that I’ve changed. That I’m not the same anymore, because I couldn’t handle – I didn’t want him to have all the power.”

“Who is he?”

“My ex boyfriend.”

“What happened?”

“I gave him everything,” Nico is still quiet, even though at this time of night there’s barely anyone around. And Levi is standing so close to him that he doesn’t need to speak loudly anyway. “And he ruined me. For years. I didn’t want to be with anyone after him. I couldn’t.”

“He was your gay Sherpa, wasn’t he?” Levi asks, turning towards Nico.

“What?”

“Brendan. What you are to me, he was to you.”

“I’m not your gay Sherpa, Levi.” Nico responds, pulling Levi towards him. “I thought we covered that?”

“You know what I mean. He was the first.”

“Yeah.” Nico agrees, nodding only slightly.

“And that’s why you didn’t want me.” Levi suddenly understands, realisation washing over him.

“What? No. There’s never been a time when I didn’t want you.” Nico insists, grabbing hold of Levi’s arm and holding on just to try and get him to understand.

“I know,” Levi assures him, realising what he’s said. “I just mean, that’s why you didn’t want to start this.”

“I was scared that I would do to you what he did to me.”

“Nico,” Levi threads his hands through Nico’s hair and pulls him in for a kiss. “You won’t ruin me.”

“I couldn’t handle it if I did.” He admits, ducking his head at the confession. Nico is never shy, he exudes confidence like he can’t do anything wrong, but when it comes to Levi – well, confident isn’t how he always feels.

They stand together, breathing in deeply as the world (or the hospital, at least) carries on around them. Levi has a million questions, but he knows now isn’t the time. Nico will tell him when Nico is ready, and he’s not going to push it. He’s known for some time now that there’s so much more to him than others might think. He’s so talented and good looking and charming that it’s easy for people to think that’s all there is to him. But Levi knows better. Brendan might know the sounds Nico makes from his mouth, but Levi knows the sounds Nico makes from his soul.

“Are you off soon?” Nico asks, finally breaking the silence.

“Yeah. Now, actually.” Levi checks his watch, yawning. “Are you?”

“Yeah. Let’s go.” 

They walk towards the lounge to change and get their stuff, but before they get there, Nico stops suddenly and pulls Levi into his arms again.

Leaning down, he whispers quietly into his ear.

“How I felt about him is nothing to how I feel about you. Which means you could ruin me too, but I trust that you won’t.”

He breaks away from Levi and continues walking, leaving him standing on his own, steady on his own two feet in the knowledge that Nico is right.

He won’t.


End file.
